MAYNINTH

Thirty seconds into "Good Times Only" and I realize Past Me built a fake holiday around voluntary suffering. Mayninth—the ninth of May that doesn't exist, the celebration nobody asked for, the playlist that treats nueva trova, darkwave, and garage rock like they're all invited to the same deranged party. Crispies kicks it off with pop-punk sunshine that feels suspiciously optimistic for what's coming. Two tracks later, Hifiklub drags in Alain Johannes and Andrew W.K. for "Over," and suddenly we're in garage rock territory where distortion is the main food group. This is the genre collision that shouldn't work but does: Cuban folk traditions, goth synth brooding, and three-chord chaos all shoved into 37 minutes. The blend works because running itself is absurd—why pick one lane when you can careen between all of them?\n\nMile two and the playlist is already lying about its intentions. "Slip Away" by Ryan Ritual has darkwave undertones, all reverb and echo, then Aspen Forest's "LIKE YOU" comes in at under two minutes like a garage punk drive-by. The sequencing here is surgical—short bursts of controlled chaos that don't let your legs settle into complaining. Crispies returns with "Keep on Doing That" for seventy seconds of pure caffeinated momentum, then Strawberry Fuzz drops "Sadness" and suddenly we're in a live session that feels like eavesdropping on someone else's existential crisis. This is where the nueva trova influence sneaks in—acoustic rawness, lyrical weight, the kind of sincerity that punk rock pretends it doesn't have. My lungs are burning but the genre shifts keep my brain too distracted to file formal complaints.\n\nMile three and "PREACHER" by Oceaneater detonates exactly when my quads start drafting resignation letters. The bass line is pharmaceutical-grade momentum, all garage rock snarl and zero negotiation. Mating Ritual follows with "Good God Regina It's A Bomb"—a track title that doubles as a cardiovascular status update. This is the wall moment disguised as a party: Clans and Darwin's Playhouse bring "Terrorize" at 170 BPM, Zip-Tie Handcuffs deliver "The Runaround," and The Thing's "Dixie Queen" adds just enough swagger to make the suffering feel intentional. The playlist knows what my body doesn't yet: around minute twenty-five, every run becomes a negotiation between quitting and spite. Happy Mayninth leans hard into spite.\n\nThe final stretch is where the fake holiday pays off. Crispies returns with "No Refunds" because of course there aren't any—you're already three miles deep in this manufactured celebration. Trouble Andrew's "Bang Bang" hits like a victory lap that hasn't been earned yet, and Evening Elephants closes with "Half a Brain," which feels accurate for the oxygen-deprived state I'm in. Vona Vella's "Thought We Were Falling In Love" finishes the whole thing with just enough melodic sweetness to make you forget you spent 37 minutes celebrating a holiday that doesn't exist. Nueva trova sentimentality meets garage rock distortion meets darkwave melancholy, and somehow it all adds up to a run that felt less like suffering and more like attending the weirdest, best party nobody else knows about. Happy Mayninth. Your legs will file complaints. Ignore them.